What do you really want?
Communication, though necessary, is still missing from relationships. We use different ways to get our point across sometimes contradictory to what we really want. For every action there is a reaction. Being in relationships, it is easy to identify the behaviors that another person could have corrected to ensure its longevity. Every checklist that is produced may have evidence of negligence from the top of the page to the bottom of the page, but, will sharing this list produce the intended result? Do you know your intended result? If you are not conscious of your motives, there is an increased chance of damaging the relationship. Although it is certainly important to identify the problem areas and behaviors in relationships, the primary focus when a problem arises, should be conflict resolution. Being aware of our own behaviors and communication style, are great starting points for discussion in resolving conflicts.
When a problem occurs how do you respond? Do you lash out, initiate discussion, walk away, withdraw, etc.? Each response creates a path, the pathway does not have to include the bumps and hair pin turns of our immediate emotional responses. Having managed emotions, being conscious of replies, and saying what we mean, encourages the desired outcome. I must be honest, it isn’t easy staying unruffled during disputes. It also does give some immediate satisfaction to win debates; however, if a relationship is taking a hit to feed the ego the situation may linger and cause a greater communication barrier. Don’t play the blame game or waste time finding fault, stay focused on building the relationship by resolving issues as they are presented. Self-awareness is a plus; still, it is equally important to honestly listen to the concerns of the other person.
Do not assume you know the communication goals of another person. Words and body language can give clues of where they could be headed but may be not be true every time. Listen to the person, ask questions for clarity, and if the they appear frustrated, it is ok to table discussions until communication can resume for understanding.
Bridging the gap of communication takes time. It is cultivated as all relators are learning themselves and each other. Remembering that our truth isn’t always someone else’s truth, will leave growth opportunity to learn pertinent information that our self focus may well miss. Our passions may take over from time to time and cause friction, that happens, revisit the intent of the discussion and follow that path to resolution.
Women’s Lifestyle Editor
Published June 3, 2018